Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
