I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
