I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
