Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
