if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
