I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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