Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
