If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
