some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't deserve a penis
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
