im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
