I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
