matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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