the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
