Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
