Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
