he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I wear drunk well.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
