Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
