Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
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Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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