did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
