I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
