Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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