I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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