i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
