i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
