party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
