I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
