Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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