Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
