worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
