So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
