I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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