one two three fourrrrnication!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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