I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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