he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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