oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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