I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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