When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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