i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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