If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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