You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
