His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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