Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
