we have officially lost it.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
