I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
