I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
