Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
