I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
