Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
