If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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