We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
