I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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