Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
