Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
