No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Boobs are out for the taking
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
