Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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