After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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