a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You made out with two different species that night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
