When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
