i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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