She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
