Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
