I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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