my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
