No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
