She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
