omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
