Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
