the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
