I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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