You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
