UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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