Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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