Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
