maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
