My sheets look like a crime scene.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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