where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
