dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED