Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”