thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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