I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
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Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.