Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT