Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder