i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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