Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you inspire me to be a worse person
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
