Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We were destined to go to rehab together
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
