Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
