I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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