Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
